A reminder of mercy from one exhausted mom to another

From the time I was 13 years old, I have been a person who journals daily. The act of writing has been such a healing, rejuvenating practice for me as a I navigate this road of life. Over the years my entries have shifted from “Dear Diary” to “Dear God.” Recently, I grabbed a mug of coffee, curled up in my prayer closet and took a few minutes to reflect on a few of them. It didn’t take long before I was riding that roller coaster of emotion and doing a bit of both laughing and crying as more evidence of God’s amazing grace was revealed in these pages of my life’s accounts.

One entry took me to January of 2004, the beginning of a new year when I was frustrated with myself as a woman, wife, and parent, and no doubt taunted by a burdensome list of new year’s resolutions. With sincerity, I poured my heart out to God in search of peace. It read,

“Lord,

Thank you for this new year. I do realize you must be at work. I do believe it even though I do not realize it this morning. Honestly, when I awake, I am tempted to feel defeated. How can I feel as if I have already failed, yet the day hasn’t even started? It is as if I have no “right” to rejoice in the day you have made. My mind seems to focus on my inadequacies as a wife and mother. I am pressed by the conviction to rise earlier and hold my girls accountable for their responsibilities too. I feel so powerless to reach these goals, but they seem so necessary. Please help me do what is right. Fill me with your peace as a wife and mom who is enabled to be the woman you desire me to be. Lead me, Holy Spirit, in Truth. Yes, it is who you are that gives me reason to rejoice. I must not focus on what is “wrong about me.” I must choose to walk in newness of life that has come through Christ. I will not fear today. I do realize you are at work. I do believe it even though I do not know what exactly is in “the works.” Even now, in this moment, I am learning to find strength and confidence, joy and energy, in the unknown and uncertainty. Faith is an inspiring and incredible power. Thank you, Lord. Amen.”

Do you relate? Does my prayer sound like a page out of your journal? My hope today is that your heart is encouraged by the real and raw confessions of a young wife and mother to a Heavenly Father who is always faithful and kind in his reassurances of everlasting love. Finding this journal entry is perfect timing for me, as it sounds similar to a prayer, I penned just last week while feeling the weight of a surmounting list of “to-dos’” closing in on me. I am reminded today not to fall into the snare of focusing on myself and my perceived weaknesses, but to focus on the one who knows me completely and calls me his own. Note to self: reread 2 Corinthians 12:9 where Jesus says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

His encouraging truth reminds me that real hope is never found in my efforts, but is found in his arms of mercy.