DEAR DYSLEXIA, WHERE IS KATY?
As a parent, what is your biggest fear? For me it is losing my child- having her lost or taken from me, not being able to get to her to keep her safe, protected, and free from danger.
Can you relate? Are you constantly counting heads to make sure you’ve got everybody? Then you can understand the agony and anxiety I felt the first time we lost 2 year old Katy, daughter number 3, for over 20 excruciating minutes while in a large crowd at an outside event. Then there was the time when Katy was 6 and the doors of an elevator separated me from her. When I finally found her on the top floor of a parking deck we were both in tears. In those moments as fear and fight surged through my body all my mind could beg was, “God, where’s Katy? Where’s katy? Where’s Katy?”
As Katy grew, these waves of fear and similar feelings of helplessness kept showing up and I found myself continuing to ask the same question, “Where’s Katy?”
Only now, as Katy got older I began asking this question for different reasons. For instance, moments of insecurity and intensity that caused me question, “Where is Katy academically.or emotionally or “Where is Katy in regards to her life skills and independence? Where will Katy be in college and professionally?”
But, in retrospect, it was when Katy asked me that question, ”Mom, where am I? What’s wrong with me?” That day was a pivotal turning point of her journey from fear to freedom.
That was the day I knew I had to get an answer for her.
The particular incident that triggered Katy to ask the question for herself happened in sixth grade Sunday School. When the teacher passed out index cards and asked the kids to write down some of their favorite accessories as part of an opening ice breaker, Katy wrote purse “p-e-r-s” and jewelry “j-u-l-r-y.” A friend sitting beside her reached over and without saying a word, marked through Katy’s answers and wrote the correct spellings above them on Katy’s paper. As you can imagine, Katy felt like crawling under her chair. Instead, even though humiliated, she just gave a small giggle accompanied by a light shoulder shrug and mumbled, “Thanks.” Well, that moment was a true tipping point for Katy, and when she came to me, I could tell by the look in her eyes- eyes that were normally full of laughter and optimism- that she was asking me to go to battle not just FOR her but WITH her. She was ready to fight for herself and do hard things. She was determined to face whatever this was- head on.
Thankfully, a friend suggested we have Katy tested for dyslexia (something that had never occured to me as I was totally unfamiliar with it), so we did. When the diagnosis was confirmed, Katy and I felt a bit of relief, but were mostly conflicted with fear and confusion. However, with as much resolve as I could muster along with two scoops of ice cream, I looked Katy in the eye and assured her we would face this together and do whatever it took to get her the help she needed.
Because it was the best option for our homeschooling family, I completed the foundational level training to become an associate of the Orton-Gillingham multisensory learning techniques. Now it was time for Katy and I dig in with daily persistence, and as we did, progress came steadily. Over the course of the next two years, Katy’s anxiety levels began decreasing. She stopped pulling out her eyelashes and her stomach aches became fewer and further between.
As Katy was being taught in the ways she learned, She also increased in her independence. Katy began embracing her design and exalting her strengths. Through awareness of dyslexia, she began to understand and believe that she was created by design. Eventually she even became proud to be dyslexic, and proud to be an out-of-the-box thinker.
As mom and advocate, I too made many changes. Along with incorporating multi sensory methods of teaching, I also learned to be more considerate of Katy specifically by giving her room to explore her interests. I listened better to her when she was trying to find the words to explain what she needed or what was upsetting her. I began to relax instead of panic as I once would when she would have what we now call a “pajama day.” Maybe you’ve had a similar experience? These were days when Katy could not recall information that I thought she had understood. Information we had just covered the day before or even spent the last week covering, but on this day she had seemingly no recall. Katy would say, “Mom, I think my brain is still in its pajamas.” I now knew to reassure Katy, take a break and simply rewind and cover that material again. I can testify to you now, that progress is happening even on those days!
Most importantly, I learned that Katy needs her parents to be her biggest fans- we never give up. If something isn’t working, we try something different. In hindsight my husband and I realize that in the beginning, honestly, we were afraid of the possible answers to the question, “Where’s Katy.” Now we know that facing the truth, becoming informed and aware has equipped us to help Katy and has enabled Katy to help herself.
I asked Katy recently what were the top 3 factors that helped her navigate from fear to freedom in regards to being dyslexic. She said, “1. God- my relationship with him; knowing he had everything under control. 2nd – You, mom, my teacher, knowing you would never give up on me and that you would do whatever it took to help me or get me the help that I needed. Thirdly- myself- trusting myself to trust God and trust in what I was being taught to get me through. I had to trust/believe in myself to follow through on what I was learning and put it into practice. I believed in myself to understand more about dyslexia and be proud of who I am.”
So, by now I’ve probably got you asking, “Where’s Katy today?”
I’m glad you asked! Katy graduated Magna Cum Laude from the University of Montevallo in technical theatre. She is now living her life’s dream and loving every minute of her career as a wig master and makeup artist at a large theatre in Branson, Mo. She’s busy embracing life with joyful vigor and bringing as many people along with her as she can. I hope her story has inspired you to do the same!